Friday, May 29, 2009 / 2:55 AM
THE BLAME GAMEit feels like shit when someone stab you at the back,
but it felt worse when you are the one stabbing at someone else's back instead.
because if you are still sane in mind, being a villain in the story will never be a sugar taste thingy, in fact, it tasted badly, real badly.
sometimes, or rather most of the times, we are actually not being stabbed at the back, but right into our heart.
hah, i guess, the villian has stabbed her dagger right between his heart.
heh, she feels apologetic about it; somehow or rather.
yes, she has just killed someone.
but no one can put her to jail.
because no one will throw that hero that killed a pest into jail.
somehow, she is glad that she did it.
but she told me that the after effect thing is so damn irritating.
but no worries, i have assured her that this irritating feeling won't pester her for long. (:
she has lost a friend.
or.. wait...
is he even a friend to begin with?
true friends that truely cares wouldn't do such thing to ruin her right?
is this a blessing or not a blessing?
she will know it real soon.
actually...
the real villain is not her...
the real villain in the story was the one being stab dead.
if you were to compare all the damages together...
you will then understand, why that villain deserve to die.
still, she felt so bad about it.
rahhh, please wave your hands hard and bid this idiot goodbye forever!
it's such a pity to lost a friend (?) and it feels bad to have someone hating you.
but what to do?
she can, yes no doubt.. she can afford to lose someone like this in her life.
i am pretty sure that she will never regret.
i hope.
i know that you are hurt badly, i am really sorry about it.
but one fine day, you might thank me for doing this, i hope.
i know that i do play a part to be blame...
but enough is enough, i just want to stay away from you..
i am tired already.
all the best to you, brother. (:
g-o-o-d-b-y-e ^^
Wednesday, May 27, 2009 / 11:10 PM
OH SHIT!ting is having a really bad headache and toothache, with a slight sore throat.
like.. again.
hais, i can throw my pathetic body away already!!
i am so afriad that i will miss school again...
I MUST NOT MISS SCHOOL AGAIN!
but this kind of body condition make thinhs a little difficult for me mann.
i was wondering and i am still wondering...
which one is better?
being sick during school term or being sick during school holidays?
given that RP is a 'no-MC' school... (yes, it's freaking lame, i know)
being sick on a school term is a big taboo cause you'll lose out a lot, and they will send that super irritating and lame warning letter to your home.
but being sick on holidays is so damn sad mann ):
so which is better?
WAHAHAHA!
/ 2:28 AM
JUST BEING VERY RANDOM...ting is always hungry...
ting is always broke.
ting is always lazy...
ting is always sleepy, but forever have problem with falling asleep.
ting was angry today and she did something she regretted.
but thank God, the damage wasn't that great, i suppose?
ting promise not to do it again... i hope! haha.
a freaking leech got leeched on ting recently.
ting is pretty annoyed by this creature.
spamming my cellphone's inbox, spamming my mental inbox too.
occupying most of my days and if ting were to reject her, it would be like a deadly sin, because she will react to ting in a unimaginable way.
oh mann, a few times is enough, this is way tooooo much for ting already!
oh please, doesn't ting has her own commitments as well?
but ting is kind of grateful as well...
because at least her days are occupied.
ting wants to keep her days occupied, but why ain't she feeling comfortable when she's occupied?
maybe is because ting doesn't like the one that is occupying her, or maybe ting is hard to be satisfied.
God knows? LOL.
once bitten, twice shy.
ting will not allow herself to be betrayed again...
even she was betrayed again, ting promise not to feel hurt.
lalala.
ting was disappointed as well.
jerks are everywhere.
i don't want any jerks to cross any of my path.
oh mann, just let me live my life peacefully yeah?
and jerk, stop assuming that i am that dumb, it's so insulting.
i am VERY convinced that i am way smarter than that jerk, because that jerk doesn't know that i am acting dumb.
oh mann, acting dumb infront of jerks is a way for me to escape lar.
i know whats going on, and i really know.
the stupidest person is one who thought the other party is too dumb to know anything when the other party is just mere acting everything out.
hey people, to act dumb and making that person really thought that you are dumb, is also one powerful skill okay?
HAHA.
ting wants to be as genuine as possible, but ting act dumb to protect herself from those jerks..
so ting's friends, please be assured that she is really genuine with you. xD
ting decided to keep her mind and heart open...
so that she will be always ready to forgive, or rather, so that she won't blow up that often (:
that's all folks.
it's indeed random yeah. ^^
Monday, May 25, 2009 / 10:30 PM
JOYif you are wondering what's the key to a joy filled life, i guess i have the answer.
the answer is always the same and it's always that simple...
and that's none other than living life with the source of Joy, which is Jesus Christ.
oh well, what i really meant was... REALLY living life with God, walking so closely, so closely by His side.
from my experience (a reallly painful one), not walking close with Jesus is suffering.
not that you are cursed or something, but you will find yourself being deprive from joy.
alright, please understand that God is not just one entertainer that gives you those temporal joy, but only He satisfy.
to be seriously frank, sometimes.. i do find those super churchy people cool.
hahaha, okay.. it's not very me to say that though...
but at least, they are seriously devoted to God. (:
but yeah, devoted to God is good, very good... but being a contemporary devoted christian is even better, isn't it? (:
so one contemporary holy mama is super damn cool!
be all things to all man (:
hey, this is very true...
when you walk right with God and when your relationship with God is right...
everything will flow accordingly as well, everything will not go too wrong for you.
---
hey just to sidetrack...
sometimes, i really find man real disgusting.
i am begining to lost faith in them.
what a eeewww freak.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! xD
Monday, May 18, 2009 / 2:49 AM
MISSESlooking at some of the pictures took in the past...
there's a tinging warmth in my heart.
though i kinda forgot how and what i am feeling then, but life is different now.
somehow somewhat, i am hoping for a change, a radical change in my life.
when things happen, the worse kind of feeling is not when you are upset with something or someone... the worse thing is you are upset but you have no idea who or what to upset about.
simply because you can blame no one for what has happen.
can anyone identify with me?
lol.
sadly, i have already lost faith in many things.
that's why, i want a radical change.
i am waiting for something to happen...
i know i should be pro-active about everything...
BUT . . . .
kind of tired of living.
i can't think of anything i am looking forward to.
i have lost myself along the way...
frankly speaking, i hate the ting now more than anything.
oh well...
i have to find back my joy in life.
hey world, hey life, hey everything.. wait for me. (:
Thursday, May 14, 2009 / 12:32 AM
GRACE.Dearest God,
i am the most unlikely and unworthy candidate but yet you chose me.
i believe and also hope that it's not a human error or mistake.
thank you very much for your grace and trust in me. (:
i shall do my very best, and work with the holy spirit.
let not the devil deceive and condemn me.
it's true that i am unworthy, but i want to obey and be a vessel to bless others.
thank you once again, i truely love you lord.
your precious,
ting.
Monday, May 11, 2009 / 1:02 AM
想回到过去...hello world!
ting is like... super shag now.
and the thought of going to school tomorrow makes me even shag-er, if there's such a word.
HAHA.
i had overnight with the girls last night.
it's fun catching up and spending time together.
the only boo boo is that, i can't sleep for nuts.
so, i decided to go home like... 7am plus.
wahaha!
i attended my cousin's wedding today.
i have no idea why i don't feel the tingling sensation thing in me, nor any warmth.
maybe because i somehow feel that it's an obligation more than something blissful.
LOL.
what to do? the girl's pregnant...
my brother even tried to be funny by asking me to bet when they'll divorce each other.
dot dot dot.
yeah, i put on make up today!
it's fun and troublesome.
boo.
---
along the way, some things just change.
there's indeed a difference between one and two.
when you are one person and when you have the other one with you.
you no longer can do wilful things, no longer be who you really are.
you have to consider others' needs, above your very own.
you used to have one brain to think for one person...
now, you still have one pathetic brain, but this time round, you think for two person.
however, please note that i am not one anti-relationship person.. HAHA.
it's bullshit when people say they just want you to be yourself.
there is no perfect being that can really tolerate your very true self.
if there are, there won't be such things like stepping on one another's toe.
if all of us were to be ourselves every moment, i couldn't imagine what will really happen.
precious lesson gained for myself.
i am too naive to believe that i can really be myself...
but you know, when we are being ourselves, we will tend to sway to the selfish extreme?
haha, because if i am myself, people doesnt like..
i asked too much, i talked non stop, i am selfish, i am not a good listener, i am demanding, i am insecure and the list goes on...and on.
i want to be understanding, to control my emotions and stuffs.
to be very honest, that's not myself at all.
i don't think many of us are like super understanding or whatever by nature.
we will put everything in control for the good of others and ourselves...
that's how human works.
not to be hypocrite, but not to be "too yourself" too.
it's tiring, hell tiring to strike a balance like this.
i wonder, is it even possible to have someone in your life that REALLY allow and doesnt mind you being yourself?
if you are being yourself, that person cant be themselves...
oh well, thats so bad and saddening.
okay, why not i put it this way...
is it even possible to have someone is your life that allows you to be yourself and at the same time, they can be themselves too, without stepping on one another's toe?
hahahaha, i doubt so, seriously.
so yeah, i am doing my best to strike that balance well, for the sake and the good of those i love, and those who loves me, and not leaving out myself as well (:
i begin to realise that my definition of freedom in the past is so damn wrong.
the big twist is this...
the restrictions that i used to perceive has became the kind of freedom i desire...
and the freedom that i tried so hard to get hold became my restrictions.
hohoho, what a prank deh?
if only i can get the blessings from everyone, if only i can announce it out loud.
if only things weren't that restricted.
if only i am perfect...
if only...
and yes, i hate what i am going through now. =/
but at the end of the day, what i really desire is the blessing from God. (:
now... i really understands what it means by...
RESTRICTIONS ARE FOR GREATER FREEDOM.
to conclude this random whole thing before i raise my white flag to my bed monster...
i really appreciate God's unfailling love for me.
His love never change, not a single day.
His love gives me security, He is never tired in assuring me when i felt lonely.
He is always faithful, He allows me to be myself and not only that, He guides me to be a better person with ton loads of patience.
He corrects me in love and gentleness.
He picks me up when i fall, He wipe my tears when i cry.
He is always there for me, He neither slumber nor sleep.
He is the only one that knows why i behave the way i behaved, He understands my inmost fears and needs.
He knows what i have went through and He knows how to fix my broken heart.
He treats me like a princess but He never spoils me.
i have a great God, i must treasure my relationship with Him.
this relationship comes free, but it's never cheap.
i love you, daddy.. my faithful daddy.
--
PS: hey, i love you..i really do (:no regrets, no nothing. (not complaining either)i promise.
Friday, May 8, 2009 / 3:43 PM
SO TOTALLY...there are many times in life that i will fall into self pity unknowingly...
but after awhile, i will wake up from my pity party world.
however, there is one thing that i still feel sorry for myself.
hah, that's none other than my family issue.
it has been for so long, of course.. the wounds weren't as raw as before.
i still feel sorry for myself in a way that, i still feel that it's unfair and stuffs.
not really emotional about it anymore... or rather, less emotional about it. (:
the bad news is...
there's a new thing that made me self pity again.
all i know is i am in pain, a deep shit pain.
felt accused and a loser.
and not understood.
and this time, i have no idea if this pity party thing is a "logical" one like my family issue or it's just exactly the same as those i have awaken from?
if this is so, i pray that God will once again bring me out from this pity party game...
hey, it's no fun at all.
like, so totally.
because it makes me feel really lousy about myself and also, lousy about people.
i believe God has his plans for whatever happens to me.
and believe it or not, i know He has his best interest for me.
i prefer to have it His way and i will try to have it His way too. (:
there are times that i wished myself to just vanish from the world.
i don't feel valued from the ones i once felt valued anymore.
i once felt that i am such an extra in this world.
because my parents told me that they don't plan for my birth, my mummy said that my birth is to torture her etc...
not anymore now cause i trust in God and because i have God.
but there are times where the people around you makes you feel this way and it seem that i have no control over the thought of being worthless and the desire of wanting to vanish.
maybe it's time where i have to be so naked before God, allowing Him to pour His unfailing love right into my heart and get myself refreshed in His love, once again (:
rahh, game over, pity party.
will you?
it suck, like.. so totally.
Thursday, May 7, 2009 / 3:51 PM
LOSER sometimes, i really behave like one.
i think in one way, act in another.
i swollowed my pride and crashed my ego.
i behave like a loser because i just want to be happy, have happy ending.
so, loser.. so be it.
at least i am happy.
in a way that... if i were to hold onto my pride and want to save my face...
i believe that i will regret one day.
loser, so what?
=D
/ 12:04 AM
HANDICAP she was rejcted with a big fat no when she said "say you love me" ...
she was faulted for getting the wrong idea about what was going on, being very act or rather, always 'act yi ge'.
she was blamed for always tearing people down.
she was clueless about what is going on, still.
she despised herself for being so thick skin.she felt as if she is such a cheap and despo slut when she was rejected with that piercing no.she despised herself for being such a coward.she felt as if she is the most useless creature on earth.she felt that she is worthless, why wouldn't she be treated like a precious human being?why it seems that... everything it's her fault?why is she punished even for the things she doesn't do wrong?why is she punished for what she doesn't know she has done wrong?ting, you are such a bitch.no one cares about how you really feel.no one bother to treat you like one precious being.you are worthless, you get the idea?now i being to understand why i used not to entrust the key to my world over to someone else.hah, i am a joke.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009 / 3:00 PM
爱就宅一起 (:last night, i finally finish watching 爱就宅一起 (ToGetHer) !
walao, it's damn nice okay. HAHA.
seriously, 汪東城 rocks my socks!
i love him bits and pieces!
this show is one show that "suits" me.
as in, i love watching this kind of show, it's my cup of tea! xD
this story is about a superstar, Mars, whose popularity went downhill after a series of negative publicity. his finances went into red alert and he had to find a new place to live. He ended up renting a place from Mo Mo, his homebody landlord.
oh well, i would really love to share in details what happen after that...
but my vocabulary is limited, so i shall spare myself.
hohoho.
but this is not the main thing, the main thing is...
at the end of the story, Mars became popular again and he held a concert...
(okay, they are already together before he held that concert, the public knows about it and they are really against this relationship)
Mars confessed why he love momo at the concert and sang a song, specially written for her infront of everyone!
he hold momo's hand up to the stage and the whole thing is so romantic!
the public which originally opposed their relationship eventually give their blessings to them!
hahahaa...
how i wish i am mo mo!!
a superstar like 汪東城 will confess his love for me on his concert and hold my hands up to the stage!!
walao, i will be the happiest woman on earth mann!
LOL (:
okay i shall fantasy no more.
lol...
such romantic story won't happen on me...
cause 汪東城 don't even know me.
hahahahaa!
and i don't attend any of their events, neither i am in their fan club.
hahahaha, so i shall come back to earth!
please pardon me for being so bimbotic...
i am like that.. once in awhile.
LOL.
BUT if you haven watch this show...
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Friday, May 1, 2009 / 1:38 AM
IRRATIONAL JACKASShello people, i am turning twenty one this coming spetember.
i am still young for many things.
but i am definitely too old to mess my life up.
do i still have the time to trail and error?
can i still affort to waste my days off?
am i too old to make mistakes?
do i have the time to correct my wrongs and fix everything that i've broken?
why am i still not growing up, kiddo.
it's time to be sensible, but i am still not there yet.
i just felt that, i am wasting life.
i just felt that... twentyone is too old to mess things up, because i don't have the time to reap the consequences.
by the time i clear my mess, how old would i be already?
i have to get things right!
easier said than done.
1. tings charis