YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE.
Monday, October 25, 2010 / 9:43 PM
"i have to grow up"
this has been reoccurring in my mind again and again since last week.
people always tell me that i am a very real person.
oh well, to me... it is one good attribute to be real..
cause personally, i hate people who pretends.
i mean, who doesn't?
but as of last week....
i realised that being real or rather, too real wasn't something too good.
that is why, i wanna grow up!
in this world of reality, being too real might invite much troubles upon yourself.
when i do not know something, i will ask... i won't pretend that i know.
when i am stress, i show.. i won't pretend that i am okay.
when i know i can't do it, i will confess... i won't pretend that i can do it.
but apparently, all these 'realness' would give people a wrong impression.
frankly, i can put myself into their shoes... i somehow can understand why people think the way they think.
i am not stupid..
yes, i may not know much, i may not be as bright as many...
but please do not assume that i know nothing.
actually, i really do not like it when people are too over protective over me.
i may feel relieve that people will cover what i cant do for me, but eventually, i will realise that this isnt helpful at all.
thats because the more people cover for me, the more it shows how incompetent i am.
in the long run, i will still find myself knowing nothing because everything has been done by others.
i would be grateful if i am given more chance and explore and make mistakes.
do not just throw me into the pool and struggle to death.
show me how to swim first and slowly let me go.
i don't believe in the tactic of throwing one into the pool and see how they can survive.
i strongly believe in slowly letting things go and eventually that person will survive.
i may not learn fast.
i may be blur and forgetful.
i can be clumsy.
but i am not stupid.
i am not a kid.
i will grow up.
grow up in a way that there are times, i don't have to show my 'realness'.
i dont have to fake anything either.
just learn to keep quiet, learn to keep my cool.
when things happen, i will just keep my cool and deal with it courageously.
I CAN'T KEEP THIS ANY LONGER.
Monday, October 11, 2010 / 1:10 AM
from insignificant to significant.
from significant to mean the world to me.
from mean the world to me back to significant.
from significant back to insignificant again.
how hard is this.
i am missing someone badly.
but this is not an unfamiliar feeling anyway.
however, there is a great difference in this whole thing...
the difference is, i will allow this to remain status quo.
nah, i am not doing anything about it nor i am going to make any move.
believe it or not, i would rather and prefer it to be the way it is now.
sigh... i do not like the way i feel now, like seriously.
even if it will take forever, so be it.
i have come to a point that i am perfectly fine with whatever that's on my plate now, or rather, with whatever that is missing from my plate now. :)
don't you agree that life is full with ironic things?
like people who matters damn a lot to you might be someone you have the least contact with.
the one whom i used to deem as my world is the one that i cant wait to get rid of from my world.
the one that i couldnt live without is the one that i want to live without now.
the one that i thought would be my best moral / emotional support is the one that wreck me emotionally and mentally.
the one who is the closest to me is now the farthest
and the one whom i am the most comfortable with is the one that i fear most now.
hah, but seriously, life ain't sexy like that.
nonetheless, no matter how happy or positive it might turn out in future...
i will still cross my arms and will not welcome this back to my life again.
i mean it, folks.
anyway, my life has been really packed recently.
correction, not only recently but it is going to be very pack for yearssss....
hahahaha.
i feel fatigue and finding myself dozing off more and more often.
i hate assignments and i am feeling kinda stressed up :(
sighh, i really miss staying at home and doing my own things...
relaxing, watching dramas blah blah blah.
i am very busy and i don't even have time to breathe!
time is passing so fast that i find myself having difficulties to catch up.
haha, but with such busy lifestyle...
i find my life kind of fulfilling :)
and to top it up... i have wonderful people in my life to make it more fulfilling :)
i have my a decade long bestie...
i have my beloved ggf!
i have my wonderful colleagues cum friends that i had tons of fun with at the universal studio, watched lame movie like buried together, will be going bali with and will be hanging out more often and of cos, working 5 days a week together...!! as for my pooheeeey, we will work 5 days a week tgt, go sch 3 days a week and plus all those mentioned above ^^
i have my friends outside...
i have my church family...
i have my childhood friends like joyce and jerel...
impt pple like zk, david, my ex rp cg, my ex sheep and blah blah blah!!!
i promised myself to commit my weekends in meeting people like them even if i am damn busy.
its just that have to slowly rotate for quite some time :(
i wish i have all the time in the world to meet them and spend more time with them!
thank you friends for loving me though i am unlovable...
God is good to me, isnt it? :)
THE ACCOUNT OF SICK PATRICKK.
Sunday, October 3, 2010 / 12:40 AM
hello world!
it has been a long long time since i've blogged!
ever since i graduated from rp, i seldom touch my lappy!
i used to think that i wouldn't survive without my lappy, but this is down to prove something...
there is nothing that you cant survive without.
everything are replaceable.
& this includes people, people that i used to think that i cant live without.
life has been good :)
i probably wouldn't have the guts to say that a few months ago...
but yay, from the bottom of my heart...
i sincerely mean what i say, life has been good and better! :)
yeaps, life has better emotionally....
but my physical body is down for maintenance.
what the hell, i spent more than hundred bucks on this maintenance!
its not cool, not cute nor sexy to have fever for 5 days!
and it is like around 39 degree! =/
i went to the clinic 3 times and was told to take blood test and x ray cause it is unusual to have fever for so many days.
and i spent so much just to know that i had viral infection -.-"
this virus must be some superman or wonder woman in their world.
tortured me for five days and exhausted my bank account :(
okay, i shall stop complaining!!
i am thankful that my fever has gone home BUT it gave me a gift of cough and flu.
but yay, i am glad enough! xD
2010 is ending and i really hope that i will end it in a good note :)
i am a blessed kid surrounded by people who loves me :)
really :)
its all wrong to think that nobody loves me :)
its awfully sweet when someone ask your friend to take care of you as you are damn sick without your knowledge.
don't you think so?
:)
1. tings charis
