CHARIS ; TINGS SAY HELLO!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010 / 12:38 AM
today, i just felt that being so random about myself!
here i go....
1. Stephanie is my given name and it's in my birth cert!
2. i look exactly like my dad and eugene.
3. no matter how i dress up, i will always look like a kid.
4. i am a petite, a fat one. :(
5. i have a look of 18, the age of 22 and a body of 80 years old.
6. i always say that i want to jog or exercise, i seldom succeed.
7. i am a poor steward of time and money :(
8. I AM A BLESSED KID! i have many many good friends around me that will remind me to eat medicine every now and then, ask me out and spend time with me.. they love and care for me! and i am blessed in many other areas as well! <3
9. i tweet and facebook alot!
10. as much as i hate to admit it, i am one very emotional person.
11. i hate guys who sweet talk and doesn't mean what they say!
12. you might know my habits well, guess my next move correctly... but you may not know who am i, inside.
13. i am not as good as you think.
14. other than God, no one knows me well.. i mean it.
15. i must marry someone i really respect and love!
16. i have already in mind who to marry since 4 or 5 years ago.. and till now, i haven't change my mind :)
17. BUT, i know i don't deserve any good man :(
18. i wish to marry myself off by 26!
19. BUT if this happens, it must be God's grace!
20. i fall sick often...
21. i don't like guys with my dad's characteristic.
22. i dont like people to smoke around me, i mean,,, SUPER DONT LIKE.
23. i don't like people to assume me!
24. i am turn off by people saying "wor".
25. i express better through words.
26. i hate to trouble anyone.
27. i am a systematic person! my clothes, my cash, my daily routine and many more must be in order! if not i will be damn disturbed.
28. i love to travel overseas! :)
29. i am not brought up in a well cultured or perfect environment.
30. no matter how cui i am, how rebellious i am... i will never deny that God is real and GOOD in my life :)
OVERTAKEN.
Monday, April 26, 2010 / 1:02 AM
Jesus Christ I worship and adore You
Every day I live, I’m living for You
What else can I say, You’ve overtaken me
Every day with You is getting better
Every word from You is like a treasure
Giving all of me, I’m finding more of You
God, You’re taking over, all of me I’m letting go so
You can come and have Your way in me
Leave it all behind for Jesus; You saved my life, Now
Every day I worship You my King
Jesus Christ I thank You for the love
You’ve given me, though I deserve nothing
Everything I have, I owe it all to You
Nothing that this world has got to offer
Satisfies my soul, I still hunger
Pouring out my soul, I’m filling up with You
It’s only by the blood; it’s only through the cross,
You have overtaken me.
HIDE AND SEEK.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010 / 11:43 PM
sometimes just when you thought that everything's fine...
the ugly truth came crashing upon and you will realise that it's not that fine afterall.
if my life is a game of hide and seek...
i would say that i had enough of being the seeker...
it's my turn to hide now.
it's not as if i didnt try hiding before, i did.
but eventually, i will be found easily and its my turn to be the seeker again.
i am tired, really tired of this game..
sometimes i really feel like begging you, please please..... leave me alone.
i am good without you, i really am.
you have the ability to bring me up to cloud nine and you have the same ability to crash me hard onto the ground.
i am tired of extremes, really.
i am glad that i am once in cloud nine...
but for now, i would rather live ordinary...
my heart cannot take extremes now, let me do without all these.
if it is going to be this painful, hey... i would rather not experience what's good.
i am a coward, so what?
this time round, i will hide myself real well...
so that i wouldnt be found, and become the seeker again.
rawr, unfinished business... i will finish you soon!
run, ting run..
hide, ting hide..
it will be over soon. :)
---
as for now...
ARRRRHHHHHHHHHH!
i feel like screaming out loud now!!!!!!!
i wanna scare the monster away~
arggghhhhh...................!
WHAT'S DONE CANNOT BE UNDONE.
Sunday, April 18, 2010 / 11:49 PM
can you remember how many times did you felt so disappointed with yourself in your lifetime?
if you were to shoot me with this question, i cant answer.
but the tings that's typing this entry now is definitely the tings that's damn disappointed with herself.
i have no idea how do i measure which disappointment is the most disappointing one but sigh, i guess this is the first time i felt so so so.... worthless.
i always got myself into deep shit and ended up pleading with God.
i know that once i repented, God will forgive :)
but hey, why do i find it so tough to forgive myself?
i do not know what you guys are struggling with or if there's any dark side in your life.
i don't want to compare...
but comparing with my own standard and of course, God's standard....
i am such a damn freaking loser.
sometimes, i think to myself...
hey tings, how many times must you go through the self-condemnation game before you can wake up?
is it possible for you to even be pleasing to God and lead a life that you are pleased with too?
i have been thinking alot..
thinking what i have went through... thinking what i have done, what i have thought and yada yada.
oh damn, i am damn disgusted about everything.
God, won't you just kill me and forget about having me existing?
i am such a... let down :(
in times of need, i bring my knees down and pray... but when life's smooth sailing, i tend to forget about you...
hey, i hate myself being like that.
today, i made a prayer...
my heart is breaking when i prayed..
because i know that God is listening and God will help me...
with such a faithful God in my life.. yet i can be so so so sinful.
sigh, why am i like that :(
i really, really, really thinks that i dont deserve anything good...
on the other hand, because of this, God's grace is so so evident in my life...
and i really really wish that, i can lead a life that brings a smile on God's face.
God, please help me :(
---
she lied to the world.. but what's worse is that she even lied to herself.
IT IS GOD'S GRACE.
Friday, April 16, 2010 / 11:56 PM
like what i always say...
i am indeed one blessed kid! :)
i had two awesome farewells with HRP and God knows how many times my heart has been melted.
these pictures are the booklet that my beloved cg gave me...
i love this booklet alot, seriously :)
i have many many to say, i wanted to wait for all the photos to be up before blogging them down...
but as i wait.. along the days...
i forgot here and there already :(
nonetheless, thank you HRP for the effort!
i really appreciate it truck loads.
the cards, gifts, affirmations and many more...
hey, i really think that i am not as good as you guys said or thought!
i am very moved when you guys told me how and what i have impacted you in this short one year...
this is God's grace in my life..
i know it full well how cui i am..
with such a lousy leader like me in HRP, i cant help but to be disappointed over and over again with myself.
i always felt that i am shortchanging the people, i've let them down...
you guys didnt know how thankful i am to God when i know that i have actually contributed, impacted, made a difference and yada yada...
my beloved covenanted cg, my lovely sheep, my shepherd, my darling friends like candace, joanne, weiting and yuqian!
you have no idea how much, how much i miss you guys and cant bear to part with you!
hahahaa, HRP would suck so much more without you guys!
i dont deserve such well done farewell and this much of efforts.
God, thank you for using me despite such broken vessel.
i know it's also because you love your people so much, you won't shortchange anyone :)
i will have a more personal thanksgiving to you guys soooonz.
I'M GETTING OVER YOU, MOST OF THE TIME.
Saturday, April 3, 2010 / 4:45 AM
Just a short update, i suppose?
oh well, life has been.. so-far-so-good for me :)
i pretty enjoy my life now, actually.
it's jam packed like mad, but i love it.
meeting different people and doing different things after work everyday.
even if i were to go home after work, i really appreciate spending time alone resting.
work is tiring but i enjoyed it.
my exams results are good and i am very grateful about it.
life's good and i thank Jesus for that! :)
i know that i haven't fully recovered and it will surly relapse again.
don't worry, i know how cruel everything is.
but at least, i am not looking back anymore.
i won't say what's behind is a bad view that i will never look back.
but i choose not to do so because whatever it's good are already overwhelmed by the pains after that.
so, why look back when there's only pain that's left behind?
everything's felt like a dream to me.
i am moving on and i am letting go.
whoo!
i don't know how but i pray that my life will really get on track soon.
leading a blameless and righteous life is what i really want.
it's hard, damn hard.
hah, oh God..
last service with polydins on sunday..
moving on to adults the next week.
new stage of life again!
i miss my sheep and some friends in HRP already :S
but i know, moving on is for my good!
yipppies. ^^
1. tings charis
