1. tings charis
2. 黄詩婷
3. 19th September 1988
4. 23 years old
5. Pre-school Teacher
6. Hope Church Singapore
7. tingscharis@gmail.com


Greetings,
ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
tings is really very proud to have you in her humble cyber world.
before you turn the door knob and enter into her world,
you may want to take a small note on what she is going to say here...

keep your fingers to yourself, do not judge.
tings is fully aware that this ain't behind any closed door
and hence, what you read is not what she is, totally.
read and go, do not make any conclusions on your own.
mere concerns are appreciated, anything beyond that line are not welcomed.

have grace and mercy upon her
she is indeed not as good as you think.

sign off, tings charis :)




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© Layout: AmericanRoyalty
Color codes: xoxo
Inspirations: the chemistry skin/hm & paranoid/*éf

DEDICATED TO

YOURWILL

i wonder how many people out there will read my blog...
the reason being of me making the statement above is cause the number of people reading this blog determines the number of people calling me nuts after this blog entry.
HAHA!
anyway, i am blogging this post in my brother's room while he is (still) sleeping on his bed. heeee


alright, with no further adieu, i shall begin my story about this boy named mark :)
i have to attend a first aid course as it is one of the requirement for my work.
most of my colleagues are so not looking forward to this first aid course as it is boring and a waste of time.
you see, we don't even have time for our classroom setting!
including myself, i dread the whole thing alot, i even tweet saying that first aid is sians ttm!
HAHA


i met one of my colleagues on the LRT and both of us complained about the blues we had for the first aid.
she said that she was hoping for a hot guy so that the course wouldn't be a boring one...
i commented that it is impossible as i heard that the previous batch was an old instructor.
upon stepping into the room, i saw the instructor and i quickly nudge my colleague and say, "eh not bad, not bad" HAHA.
the instructor started talking and he has a weird essence, and i was like.... "what the hell is this essence about?"
HAHA.


but as he conduct the lesson, he was really interesting and funny!
and the most important thing is.... he is good looking luhhh!
he has braces and dimples :) awwwww.
at first, i only find him charming on the outside...
but after he shared about his story about how he came into first aid and his passion about saving people...
my heart was like.... awwwwww and my eyes go "heart shape heart shape". HAHA
the way he share things is very sincere and genuine...
so soon after, i find him really charming on the inside too :)


i was obsessed and tweeted a lot about him, my colleagues were all hard core teasing me about it.
haha.
i played along but i have to admit that there are indeed certain part of myself longing for a chance.
but i know and i know that this obsession and heavy crush have only the time frame of three days.
its indeed hard to find such a good man like him, it is even harder to find someone that attracted me this much.
haha.
its very difficult to find someone that is good looking, smart and good character!
i found it but i can't and don't own it.
so oh well, he slipped through my fingers.


my hard core colleagues tried so hard to create a chance for me.
LOL.
they do things like reserved the front seats for me, ask him to join us for lunch and keep asking me if i have any question to ask him infront of him! LOL
and also, my colleague claimed that my boss wanted to see his face so asking him if he could take photo with us.
she then ask him for email address so that we could send him the pictures...
and guess what... she asked me to take a pen and paper to note his email address and i will be the one sending him the pictures!
in my heart, i was like... "WALAO, WHAT A MOVE SIA!"
lols!
i was damn awkward can...


alright, i must tell you guys that i will not make any moves.
i am not this kind of person.
as in, i know the time has change and it is perfectly fine for a woman to make the first move...
but i know to him, we were just a student and teacher relationship, nothing more than that.
AND BTW, HE IS ONLY 24, TWO YEARS OLDER THAN ME ONLYYYY!!!!!!
he is also a christian / catholic... :)
seeee? no wonder i gone nuts right.
HAHA.


yeaps, the story of mark is as such.
my three days of heavy crush and now still having the after effect.
hahahaa, i don't wanna end the first aid course mann.
i won't make any moves, trust me.
cause i strongly believe that a woman should have self respect and not throw herself to a man.
so hopefully, i will see him on street someday or God will place someone even better to cross my path once again :)


ME LOVE FIRST AID instructor.
wahahahaha!




i don't know why i suddenly blurt out "1224" just now...
i paused and wonder why is these numbers so familiar...
and in about 2 seconds, my heart sank as i recalled.
sigh, why on earth did i say these 4 numbers.
sound like some 4D thingy but it is not.

i disappeared.
i guess, it is not hard for you to discover this.
though i do not exist now, but i hope that i am always on your mind, just like you are always on my mind.

you have nothing to lose and i know you are okay without me.
i can figure out that your life would be better than mine.
but yeah, it's okay... i am fine being the way i am now...
i guessed nobody including myself would believe that i can be this firm.
my 'one-fine-day' has arrived.
i successfully disappeared.

but i do miss you alot, really.



Lyrics | Sophie Zelmani - Always You lyrics

really who am i?
how well do you know me?
no you don't.
you do not know what grave mistakes i have made.
you do not know how much i despise myself.
you do not know how shameless i am.
you do not know how exactly i am.
i am such a sinner.
i hurt myself and i hurt God.
i am not worthy and i never am.
regrets and remorses are the torments in my soul.
time will not rewind for my sake.
there is nothing can do to redeem my mistakes.

i understand that God gives second chance, but there is no way that i can forgive myself.
i cried out to the shepherd of my soul.
i said sorry a million times.
but i can't get rid of the guilt.
i am the devil's favourite toy now.
he is playing the blame and shame game with me.
he seems to have loads of fun when i am struggling with tears.

i am the worse of all.
you wouldn't know or expect me to be like that.
when you know it, you would be so disappointed in me.
i sucks, i am not worthy to even be called the child of God.
i am a disgrace of God's family.
i should never forgive myself and not expect anyone to do so.

if only, if only.






















i wonder who actually bothers to read my blog.
my blog post is usually long, i don't have my blog link anywhere for people to link...
my blog address is hard to remember and my tagboard is missing due to my itchy hand and i don't bother to find it back.
haha, honestly, i would prefer if there are lesser people reading my blog.
i just do not like the idea of people knowing too much of myself.
so you may ask, then why the hell are you still blogging?
oh well...

anyway, i seldom read my old posts.
some are too emo, i don't like.
some refreshes some memories that i do not want to recall, i don't like it too.
oh well, i am just so idiot, i do stupid things.

anyway, i blogged today because i need to type and vent out my emotions.
it is not exactly the wisest thing to do but sigh, just allow me to do it, will you?
and yes, here i go again...
this familiar scary feeling and emotions are back.
why am i like that? :(

i feel so empty.
i wake up every morning with a heavy heart.
i do not know why and i couldn't figure out why.
i am just so tired of living.
i find it a total chore to simply just live or breathe on this planet earth.
life sucks and it is meaningless.
why must i be part of world and what the hell am i suppose to do?
there must be more to life but something just seem to be missing.
why can't i live happily and with more joy?
why am i always like that.

sigh...
i want to die.
i don't want to live, i don't want to suffer.
i don't like the way i feel now.
i know i am being childish to say that but hey, what is the point of living?
if i can, i would really want to end my life.
suddenly, nothing attracts me anymore...
my mind used to be filled with many thought about my future...
about my dream job, my dream life and my dream guy.
but sigh, i cannot even get myself excited over all these anymore.
dream guy? i don't even want to give a damn anymore.
work? school? sighhh!

God, its okay if i haven't experience marriage life...
bring me up to heaven now, will you?
just shorten my life and save me from all these now.
why can't you bring me home now, what else do you want me to do on earth? :(

frankly, i know only God can fill my cup now.
i need to seek Him.
i know i need to.
so after this ranting session on my blog, i am heading to meet God.
i need to pray, i need to seek Him.
He is my prince of peace.
He could calm the storm in my heart.
so Lord, help me.

this is one of my worse holiday ever.
meeting up with the whole world and yet i feel so lonely.
no wonder suicidal rate increase so much in festive season.
because the more people are crowding around you, the lonelier you will get, the colder you will feel.

it's nothing to do with anyone.
it's myself.
maybe i am facing some crisis on my own.
meaningless, meaningless.











too much drama i guess?
i know i would be laughing stock if i say that i wished to be like oh ha ni.
you would know who am i talking about if you have watched playful kiss.
haha.
i do not like her being such a pest and neglect her pride by following and stalking that guy like that.
but she succeeded and got herself a man she loves a lot and a man who loves her a lot.
most importantly, that man was so handsome and smart.

i always wished to find myself a man who is handsome and smart.
haha.
y'know very well that i am always attracted by good looking man and educated ones.
though i am not very smart, but i have a thing for smart people.
haha.
not only that, i have a thing for man who takes lead, who is a little.... 大男人.
i realised that  Baek Seung Jo in the drama is just the man i like!
except for his cold personality.
haha.


many of you may think that i am too childish.
but since young, it is always my dream to get married.
haha.
but i will only marry someone i truly love and someone who truly loves me.
not easy to find, but i will wait and anticipate God's best for me :)


good looking and smart guy FOR THE WIN! <3


MY NEW LOVE! <3


























































don't be emo, please don't.
how i wish that i would have this special ability to read one's mind.
if you were to ask me which game i detest the most, i would answer i hate the guessing game the most without  the need to even activate any of my brain cells.
the worse thing is, i am guessing things that i don't even need to.
the more i guess, the more emo i get.

i guess, my middle name is impatient.
or does this applies to all of you too?
not only i have limited patient in waiting for people, i am too anxious to know about my future too.
but hey, this is not what faith is all about, isn't it?
faith is knowing and really know it in your heart that your future is secure in God's hand.
yeaps, it may not seem significant to you as yet, but you may want to remember or take note of this?
hah.
oh well, i am the one that really need to take note of this.

anyway, my age is really catching up with me.
i have many many concerns.
my bond with my work place is going to chain me in singapore for at least 5 years...
i really want to go overseas and do something i like for at least 2 years!
best is with my prince charming.
HAHA.
many things that is going on now doesn't seem possible for my dream now :(

regarding me and you.
the more you talk about it, the more i feel so far from you.
the more i listen and read about what you say, the more i felt that you are not meant for me.
sighhh. God...!!
but i know i am still young, so tings, WAIT okay?