BY AND BY.
Friday, July 31, 2009 / 11:32 AM
i wonder if it's okay to make foolish decision like this at times.
haha.. i skipped lesson because of some lame thing.
oh well, i am kinda disappointed with myself though.
we were taught to expect more, because it gives us hope.
we were taught to wait upon, when hope is still way far out.
i think, to be able to wait upon patiently when hope seems far is a virtue; it's surely something that i lack, now.
sometimes i would rather not expect, rather not have hope.
or sometimes, i would rather not taste the good too.
that's because i fear disappointments and usually disappointments come when i expect or pin hope.
that's also because, i will get greedy when i have tasted the good, i wouldn't know what's bad when i have no idea what's good.
the worse kind of fall usually comes when you are at your peak.
i always tend to forget and happily climb my way up to the peak; before i know anything, i fell once again.
and this is the time when i recalled that i actually told myself to know where i should stand, not to get away with it; to trust, to believe or to be too happy with anything.
did i just thought that things are getting better? little did i expect disappointments come knocking at my door this fast.
but to think about it, if there's no expectations or hopes in life, there wouldn't be any purpose of living anymore.
so tell me, should i still expect or pin hope on things that drained me while waiting or should i give up and stop draining myself?
which is better, to expect and to be tired or not to expect and to be less tired?
though choice.
but yuppp, on the positive note.. never give up in hope is surely one way to keep going in life (:
if you were to ask me what exactly i am so afraid to expect and pin hope on...
i would say.. people.
hah, myself and the people around me.
come on, let me be very honest here...
myself and the people around me are the greatest source of my disappointments.
human beings (including myself) have their ways to knock me down eh?
oh well, the match hasn't end yet.. it's still early to determine the winner.
but hey, i should know my limit.. before my heart turns cold.
1. tings charis