THE FREEDOM I DESIRE.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 / 2:35 AM
seriously, i know nuts about what exactly i want.
it's like when i have finally achieved something after trying so hard, yet there is no absolute satisfactory high after awhile...
it just feels like there is always more; something never ending out there.
when i got this on hand, i realised that something just slipped off my hand.
this is an irony, or some say when you wants to gain something, you would have to give up something?
i have zero idea about what is the kind of freedom i desire.
i know the probability of getting all that i desire is almost zero too.
honestly, i have no specific direction that i am heading to in my entry today.
i just wanna say, there is no total freedom in life.
once you got the kind (out of many kinds) of freedom you desire, you will eventually lose something.
it pretty much depends on what you are willing to give in exchange for the kind of freedom you want.
it's just that the ending might turn out something undesirable ; that leads to regretting.
or on the brighter side, the outcome would be you cheering and find it all worthwhile to sacrifice.
as for me, i really hope that whatever i choose to trade in for the kind of freedom i desire,
would be really worth it.
i am someone who will find a reasonable reason to explain every step i took.
i will surely have an answer for myself whenever i stop and stock take my life and decisions.
sometimes, i obviously know that my 'reasonable reasons' and 'answers' are just a lie to cover my foolishness.
but at least, i am accountable for myself.
i seldom regret, not mentioning minor stuff like regretting eating supper yada yada.. HAHA.
but yeah, i seldom regret when i make major decisions, because i know that if i were to choose again, i will choose the same route again.
even when 'regrets' are slowing creeping in as i continue my choice of journey, i will still do my best not to look back.. keep moving on...
i might not regret.. but i might feel that it's not worth it, at all.
so, i still hope that my trading is all worth it.
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precious, i don't think you will read this cause i don't even think you know the existence of this blog.
but how would i not understand your pains and regrets?
how would i not understand how it feels to give up something dear to your heart...
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things that are not of God will surely fade one day.
judgement day will come, sins will be revealed.
blessed are those who walk in the ways of God.
and i am not someone whom God will smile over with, because i am such a sinner.
a sinner that knows where she's wrong and yet not doing anything about it.
do i still have the cheek to say i love Jesus?
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is love about restrictions?
is freedom about restrictions?
is there a way so that there will be no restrictions?
i know the answer, my friends.
1. tings charis