SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN YES AND NO.
Sunday, October 18, 2009 / 2:30 AM
hello world...
tings is sick, again ):
the weather nowadays is full of craps, this is like so no wonder that many fall sick.
oh well...
anyhow, i pray that i can go school on monday, with my full tank of energy and pink in health! (:
just being random..
oh mann, i envy shepherds with their sheep pestering for shepherdings.
simply because i saw a sheep doing that to her shepherd today.
like.. awww (:
sometimes, i feel so thick skin to pester my sheep for shepherding, even when she's cold.
i guess, back in youth, i already took it for granted that there is not a need to pester for shepherding, just a text over, fixing the date, time and place and i am done!
now is slightly different for me..
but well, i love all my sheep (: may it be the youth group one or my current one.
so trust me, i am not comparing... i am just reflecting. HAHA.
i am such a dilemmatic person.
or some say, in the midst of making a decision...
half of me want it, whereas another half, i don't want it.
don't worry if you are often confused by me, because i am always confused by myself too.
it's not that i have no idea about what exactly i want, but rather, it's about what i cannot lose most in my life.
i value many things in my life, it's just that sometimes when i can only choose one, i am confused by which is less painful to forgo.
human kinds will fail us...
many craves for a second chance.
and i know deep in my heart that i will need this second chance one day.
but i just want to let you guys know, my stand doesn't change.
maybe i would in the future, but now.. not yet.
i wasn't happy with the things happening.
and i do not understand why certain people did certain things.
i have my share of wrongs and moments of folly, all these i know better than you do.
but i simply cant understand how people's mind works.
like why showcase my rants to others, like why ... haiya.. and the list goes on.
my words may hurt people...
but think about it, hurt(ed) people hurts people...
why stab me right into my heart when you are so fearful of pains and hurts?
i hope you people can understand that the world doesn't revolve around yourself..
bear in mind that there are actually people around you.
don't hurt people for your own interest and without considering the others.
which is more important, you or the bigger picture?
what i am saying applies to myself too, a huge part of them.
hah, life is hard, doing life with people is so even harder.
i know i am bad to say this...
but i believe God place me in this bloody place to mould my character and to test my values.
haha.
given that i am already struggling some personal issue before settling down in this place...
now more to top up to my misery.
i am (still) very convicted that those people plays a part in my journey of miseries, but i have the biggest part to play.
laugh at me, if you want.
oh well, i am sure that if i am able to pull through all these..
i will surely be stronger and a better tool.
if i can't... hah.. i can't believe that giving up can be actually one of my options and it's ringing louder and louder in my head as the clock ticks.
bury them away..
take capture of my thoughts and make it pleasing to God.
i am trying, very hard.
because no matter what, trust me that i love God, trust me that i love my sheep, trust me that i love my peers who's running the race with me.
so for the sake of God, (some) people and myself, i will be back on track.
keep me sane!
hoping for a fruitful week ahead.
may it be schooling, shepherding my sheep, caregroup and my health. (:
1. tings charis