H.A.P.P.Y :)
Friday, February 12, 2010 / 4:51 AM
"H-A-P-P-Y"
It has been sometime since i have used this word.
or am i already neglecting this childlike word, casting it aside and forgetting it's existence?
yes, i am certain that it's indeed like this.
happy, oh well.. happy?
haha, it sound so foreign to me now.
english education forbids us to use such simple word to express our emotions because it is way too simple.
people would see you in another light if you speaks or write like this, "i am in cloud nine!" or "i am flying high, delightful, joyous" yada yada chim words..
as compared to "yeah i am happy!", those words do sound nicer yeah?
BUT, what's wrong with simplicity?
as we are trying to survive in this sophisticated world, our mind gets complex as well..
we forgot the beauty of simplicity and thus, genuine smiles are endangered; on the route to extinction.
i know clearly that in this world, it's not even close to possible that we can do anything and everything we like for as long as we are happy..
i know we can't be selfish and we can't live only for our own benefits.
but why make life so difficult?
i have been trying very hard to deny many of my rights and wants...
being blameless, living up to expectations and pleasing people.
there are too many correct things that i have to do despite how i may feel.
simply because no matter how i feel, i have to do what is right.
but hey, i am getting fatigue, i really am.
i begin to question myself, i begin to wonder...
what am i exactly looking for in life?
no doubt that true joy comes from God alone...
i am still very firm in this stand.
i am still a strong believer that if i go according to God's plan, i will be very blessed.
but still, here i am, wondering.
i want to be happy, i really want to.
i am tired of my downcast soul, i am sick of my painful emotions.
i don't have the strength and courage to only go for the correct things in life.
how many wrongs can i exactly correct in my life?
can i even handle all of them?
i am trying way too hard that i am burnt out.
enough, tings.. enough.
all things shall put to an end.
i will no longer try to correct what i can't correct.
i will no longer try so hard to live like a saint.
i still have a sane mind, for as long as i can, i want to live my life right...
but whatever it is, i just want to be happy.
burnt out is the best description that i can thought of for now...
before i recover, i guess... it is good for me to ignore everything.
only for a period.
:)
no matter what...
开心就好..
why torture yourself and do things / give up things that you SERIOUSLY don't feel like doing so?
hey world,
i am tired of being depress.
i have suppressed long enough, i have denied myself just to be correct long enough.
for now, i just want to be happy.
CAN I?
---
how i wish that...
from now on.. i need not to do things against my will..
i can't achieve this yet..
but this is just my wishful thoughts.
1. tings charis