WHAT'S DONE CANNOT BE UNDONE.
Sunday, April 18, 2010 / 11:49 PM
can you remember how many times did you felt so disappointed with yourself in your lifetime?
if you were to shoot me with this question, i cant answer.
but the tings that's typing this entry now is definitely the tings that's damn disappointed with herself.
i have no idea how do i measure which disappointment is the most disappointing one but sigh, i guess this is the first time i felt so so so.... worthless.
i always got myself into deep shit and ended up pleading with God.
i know that once i repented, God will forgive :)
but hey, why do i find it so tough to forgive myself?
i do not know what you guys are struggling with or if there's any dark side in your life.
i don't want to compare...
but comparing with my own standard and of course, God's standard....
i am such a damn freaking loser.
sometimes, i think to myself...
hey tings, how many times must you go through the self-condemnation game before you can wake up?
is it possible for you to even be pleasing to God and lead a life that you are pleased with too?
i have been thinking alot..
thinking what i have went through... thinking what i have done, what i have thought and yada yada.
oh damn, i am damn disgusted about everything.
God, won't you just kill me and forget about having me existing?
i am such a... let down :(
in times of need, i bring my knees down and pray... but when life's smooth sailing, i tend to forget about you...
hey, i hate myself being like that.
today, i made a prayer...
my heart is breaking when i prayed..
because i know that God is listening and God will help me...
with such a faithful God in my life.. yet i can be so so so sinful.
sigh, why am i like that :(
i really, really, really thinks that i dont deserve anything good...
on the other hand, because of this, God's grace is so so evident in my life...
and i really really wish that, i can lead a life that brings a smile on God's face.
God, please help me :(
---
she lied to the world.. but what's worse is that she even lied to herself.
1. tings charis