QUIET TIME
Sunday, November 21, 2010 / 2:45 AM
Sometimes i really wonder, what have i missed out in this world?
it has been such a long time since i spent time thinking.
it's a very dilemmatic thing here...
i want to be out of the box that i am in now but yet, i don't want to be out of it.
i guess this has always been the issue ya?
anyway, it seems like i haven't been spending enough time with my friends around.
i am such a lousy friend, a lousy friend that is always not available for the people around me.
and yet, there are so many people that treasures me in their heart.
what have i done to deserve this?
sigh.
other than my friends, i realised that i haven't been spending enough time with myself too...
when was the last time that i really sit down and think about my life?
all i could think of is just my work and studies.
it pretty hard to imagine myself being so nerd.
hahahaa.
probably cause my colleagues are all wonderful friends to me, that is why i enjoyed being a workaholic and a bookworm. HAHA
and the most horrible thing is....
i haven't been spending time with God.
sigh, i have neglected him so much in my life.
i am too concern about everything else except for him and his ministry :(
its not that i have forgotten all about God...
God has been always been in my mind...
it's just that i do not have the strength to do so.
it may sound like an excuse but it is very true, at least to me.
not only i am lack of physical strength, it is the same to my mental and spiritual strength as well.
God being real and almighty has already been very concrete in my heart..
so my issue will never be about me doubting him or so...
it is always been about spending more time with Him, doing life with Him and serving hard in His kingdom.
today this word "quiet time" was thrown right onto my face.
of all the sudden, i felt that this word WAS so familiar to me.
why is that so that i haven't been hearing this lately?
have i forgotten all about this already?
i think so.
oh my God, what is happening to me? :(
God, i must promise you that i will spend time with you everyday.
even in days that i am tired and everything.
i promised myself, i promised you and i promised him in the airport when he ask me to do so.
so i must honour my word.
help me, will you?
---
today was a great day.
i hope that you have seen my effort.
we have known each other for about 6 years and we are very good friends.
but yet, i always tremble when i am with you.
how funny is it.
i wished that we can be more than friends and wished that there will be more to it.
i believe that you will be the one i can treasure with all my life and can help me grow in God.
you are one man that is after God's heart, you are very ambitious.
though i couldnt stand your attitude and how you do not value and appreciate the people around you, but yet you are one rare man that i respect and admire a lot.
because i believe that you are one righteous man.
i wondered if you are even touch when i offered to meet you and go all the way to the extreme end from my place, would you even appreciate?
haha, i am not being emo, but yeah.. i wished you will feel the same way as i felt.
i am not very outstanding and i am not your only choice.
but everytime, i am always secretly praying that miracle would happen.
it is the first time, the first time i felt so so so unworthy that if i could be treasured by you, it must be the greatest gift from God.
i suck to the max, but yet i hope for more.
how ironic. :(
God will work things out, i believe.
if it's not meant for me, then it's fine.
take it away from me.
1. tings charis