FILL MY EMPTY CUP.
Thursday, December 9, 2010 / 1:59 AM
i wonder who actually bothers to read my blog.
my blog post is usually long, i don't have my blog link anywhere for people to link...
my blog address is hard to remember and my tagboard is missing due to my itchy hand and i don't bother to find it back.
haha, honestly, i would prefer if there are lesser people reading my blog.
i just do not like the idea of people knowing too much of myself.
so you may ask, then why the hell are you still blogging?
oh well...
anyway, i seldom read my old posts.
some are too emo, i don't like.
some refreshes some memories that i do not want to recall, i don't like it too.
oh well, i am just so idiot, i do stupid things.
anyway, i blogged today because i need to type and vent out my emotions.
it is not exactly the wisest thing to do but sigh, just allow me to do it, will you?
and yes, here i go again...
this familiar scary feeling and emotions are back.
why am i like that? :(
i feel so empty.
i wake up every morning with a heavy heart.
i do not know why and i couldn't figure out why.
i am just so tired of living.
i find it a total chore to simply just live or breathe on this planet earth.
life sucks and it is meaningless.
why must i be part of world and what the hell am i suppose to do?
there must be more to life but something just seem to be missing.
why can't i live happily and with more joy?
why am i always like that.
sigh...
i want to die.
i don't want to live, i don't want to suffer.
i don't like the way i feel now.
i know i am being childish to say that but hey, what is the point of living?
if i can, i would really want to end my life.
suddenly, nothing attracts me anymore...
my mind used to be filled with many thought about my future...
about my dream job, my dream life and my dream guy.
but sigh, i cannot even get myself excited over all these anymore.
dream guy? i don't even want to give a damn anymore.
work? school? sighhh!
God, its okay if i haven't experience marriage life...
bring me up to heaven now, will you?
just shorten my life and save me from all these now.
why can't you bring me home now, what else do you want me to do on earth? :(
frankly, i know only God can fill my cup now.
i need to seek Him.
i know i need to.
so after this ranting session on my blog, i am heading to meet God.
i need to pray, i need to seek Him.
He is my prince of peace.
He could calm the storm in my heart.
so Lord, help me.
this is one of my worse holiday ever.
meeting up with the whole world and yet i feel so lonely.
no wonder suicidal rate increase so much in festive season.
because the more people are crowding around you, the lonelier you will get, the colder you will feel.
it's nothing to do with anyone.
it's myself.
maybe i am facing some crisis on my own.
meaningless, meaningless.
1. tings charis