WOULD LIFE REALLY BE BETTER IF IT WAS EASY?
Monday, January 3, 2011 / 3:00 AM
with a blink of an eye, year 2010 is over and 2011 is here!!!
although 2010 was kind of sucky to me, but it indeed went by it's 365 days in a so damn fast speed!
haha.
2010 was a bitch cause it wasn't easy for me.
i remember that when it was 2009, i was glad for the arrival for 2010.
but when 2010 is over, i am so glad that 2011 has arrived.
i am kinda afraid that it would be a routine that i will look forward to a new year not because i am hopeful but because i can't wait for the current year to be over.
i almost lost myself in 2010.
i did all the foolish and dumb things that i will never thought of doing in my lifetime.
i find myself a slut and i seriously find it hard to forgive all my deeds, up till now.
i went through emotions roller coaster and most of the time, i am at the verge of depression.
i cannot find the meaning of life and i find myself being so redundant on earth.
never in my 22 years of life, i felt death is so attractive and it was actually an easy way out for me.
i am not exaggerating anything.
try being me and you will know that it is not easy to be in my shoes, trust me.
I am never this far away from God before, but i was never this near too.
i screwed my 2010 up but God remains faithful.
though i really hated my 2010, but i am also most grateful for it.
God sees me through everything and i have really grown out of my emotions and grown up too. :)
i can't beat my chest and proudly declare that my warfare is over, but i am screaming out of my lungs declaring that God has been (too) good in my life! :)
if you were to ask me if i would want to go through 2010 again, i will violently object.
but yet again, i am so so so thankful to God.
i would have died mentally, emotionally and spiritually without Him.
i know that year 2011 wouldn't be a stroll in a park for me too.
i mean, i have my studies, practicum and many more.
i can smell the reek of stress from somewhere not too far.
but i can smell the fragrance of victory from God tooo! :)
i have decided to have only one new year resolution for 2011....
and that is to rely on God in everything i do.
because i am so going to grow so much deeper and intimate with my Maker :)
i have also decided that i shall be patient in terms of relationship.
hmmm, i shall not set any goals regarding when i should get myself attached...
i should focus on my own development and my relationship with God.
when the time is right, i believe that God will give it to me.
i won't deny that i want it badly, but i know that good things are worth waiting for and by rushing, i won't gain anything out of it :)
made my first move.
feel kinda awkward but whats done cannot be undone.
i have voiced out and gave you the green light.
but i just wanna say, you are not my only choice :)
i won't die if things doesn't work out.
because i trust in God that He will give me His best.
so if it is not you, then so be it.
have an cool attitude mann! :)
1. tings charis